Wednesday, 16 March 2016

YOU CANNOT BE SOMEONE ELSE


Everyone on earth, whether big or small, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, is created with unique separate innate resources, which enable him function effectively in being the whole individual that he was meant to be. These resources uniquely define us and make us outstanding in our different endeavours. We most often tend to venture into being someone else basically because we think the person has better intrinsic capabilities. This is really wrong because it denies you of your true identity.

I had a friend who was so good that it seemed everything he did worked very well for him. Sure! He was doing well and I presume you know what I mean. Many years ago I tried everything possible to be like him without him noticing it. I did almost everything he did but I failed despite how relentless I was. I forgot about everything I was good at, and I focused on what he was good at. I had the feeling that the things I could do were so common that anybody can do. So, I pursued someone else's strengths. 

Later in a deep introspective analysis, I realized that instead  of the things to be going smoothly and well, they went so badly that I began to blame myself for being someone else whose strengths are quite different from mine. So, I began to pay strong attention to what I CAN DO BEST. I deeply started to listen instructively to the voices of myself speaking on both positive and negative sides alongside their merits and side effects. Consequently, I took a bold step towards the actualization of my dreams, and I deserted the previous thoughts I had conceived. The affirmative effects of my decision quickly began to manifest through my actions and inaction. Thus, my observation has shown that being oneself fosters great happiness and satisfaction of the mind.

One happy day, I was all on my own when my friend walked on to me and expressed sincerely how he felt about something I did the previous day. He even asked me to teach him to do it. I really was amazed within me. Someone whom I was wanting to be like now wants to learn something from me? It shows I too am greatly gifted. Whoopeee! I was very excited.

This little but powerful experience has positively changed a lot about me. I no longer envy people on their achievements, I no longer strive to totally become another person, I no longer consider others' innate gifts superior to mine no matter the level of disparity, I no longer view myself as trash that is domiciled at the refuse dump, and I no longer see things that I can do so easy and common that anyone can do anytime. Now, I value myself and I always try to be totally me, and then, strive towards improving my abilities as well as helping others.

So, the moment you try to be someone else, you ignorantly go on a strike against yourself. This demeans you, it retards your progress, and it suppresses your self-passions. God does not make mistakes and he is a God of equity and equality. He gave us skills and the ability to nurture them till they become a full bloom. It is, therefore, not for us to kill ourselves before our own death, it is rather, our duty to water our skills with great dexterity, and this does not come by simply wanting to be a different person.

I know that sometimes we need the attention, help, and co-operation of others for us to effectively fertilize our characteristic skills, it does not, however, mean that we should totally go different from what we have been endowed with. You can watch others, you can learn from them to add effect to what you have, you can study academically to add flavour to your skills, and you can learn from the fallings of others. Being yourself does not necessarily mean that you should be an island of strict isolation. 

It is, indeed, an amazing privilege to be oneself, and I am enjoying that privilege today. Are you enjoying yours as well? You should! But if you do not; if you have spent several years being someone you can't be like, please, quit it. Give yourself a little golden opportunity to see the great skills that you have concealed from yourself. Nurture them and stop being someone else!

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THE MYSTERY OF LIFE



What does life really mean? What does it offer? How should I live it? What are the reasons why I must resist evil? And if I do resist it, what will I benefit? What happens to all my achievements when I die? Will my death change anything in the world; will everything still be going smoothly? What will happen to my Facebook account? Will friends still send me messages, friend requests, and Birthday wishes even when I am no more? Will I still remember all I went through in life when I die? Will my little world still remember me? How long will my loved ones mourn me? If I die, will everything about me in life get closed? Where do dead people go? Will I go there as well? If I go there, will I fit in? If I fit in, will I still retain the knowledge I have acquired from the land of the living? How exactly is the land of the dead? Why are we afraid of dying? If I die, will I be considered a successful person? These and so many other similar questions keep me wondering very deeply sequel to the death of my secondary school friend, Abalu, Chiamaka.
Every time I look around the world from my little environment, I see beauty, technology, fashion, education, satisfaction, wealth, happiness, comfortableness, and other interesting things that make life worth living. With these, I do not want to die. On the other hand, I see suffering, poverty, sadness, homelessness, underdevelopment, sickness, illiteracy, killings, immorality, deceit, and other things that make life very miserable. With these, I might wish to die. The most interesting thing I observe about these two categories is that no matter how well we are deeply rooted in any of their individuals, we will never be tired of seeking more. And we just cannot eliminate them from our existence.

One great thing that everyone wishes to achieve in life is success i.e. being a successful person. But the striking question that jumps into my mind about this is; “what really does it mean to be a man of success”? Is it by the number of certificates, the acquisition of wealth and positions, being very famous? Making global transformations? Being super intelligent? Getting all the attentions? Just being simply happy with your friends, family, loved ones, and the society in which you find yourself? Or, is it all of these coupled together. You can achieve almost all of those and still are not successful. It’s not either your fame or wealth that determines your real evaluation. It is the richness of your heart that does; a man, who never treats his fellow with disdain and contempt, despite their social and cultural position, is considered successful.
Additionally, we often choose to do evil to get what we want the way we want it.  What do you gain? Every time I sit and think of why I should do evil, I simply do not find any reasonable answer no matter how hard I think. After all, everything you gain out of it will never be yours forever. Hurting people has become the hobby and interest of most people. Note that this only brings everlasting doom. Can you give life? Can you replace it? If the answer to these questions is “No”, so, what reason do you have to do evil? I know that sometimes, we do “minor” evil unconsciously because of its inevitability in real life existence, but it is rational that it is that way than otherwise. So, strive to, at least, minimize the occurrence of evil.
Also note that life is designed in such a way that if something is not actually meant for you, you can never get it. If you force yourself to get it, it will never bring you joy, and even if joy comes through it, it will never last long and will certainly end up in total disaster.
Your education, fame, wealth, positions, and acquisition are really “not yours”. What is “yours” is your real person that resides in you. You should not be interested in what the person next to you has or what he is, rather, pay attention to your real self. Whether you reside in a gutter or you fetch your food from garbage, it doesn’t define your originality. You should also bear in mind that we all have something but what we have and its level differ. Thus, you should consider yourself and others, and then use what you have for the common good, not for the suppression and marginalization of others.
You see, I have learned not to compare myself to anyone. Unnecessary comparison only wanes your passion and zeal. A little attempt to become another person pushes you away from the track of your dreams. No matter your culture, sexual orientation, gender, and belief, you are okay, and comparison steals yourself from you. Just believe in yourself and have sincere confidence in your innate capabilities.
Death is a natural phenomenon that visits man. Imagine a corpse lying in front of you now - ponder on the questions in the introductory part of this post. Now, put yourself in the shoes of the deceased. What might be the possible answers? Well, you still have life and you can make changes.
Finally, life is a long road, which is very short. The more we live, the more we learn and the more we learn, the more questions we ask about our existence and our fate after death. Even if these questions may not have absolute answers, one thing is sure. And that is for us to be ourselves and live peacefully, genuinely, and virtually with others. You may not live to be the whole person that you have planned to be, but the little time you stay on earth matters a lot and a great reward awaits your doings.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

MAKE YOUR CONVERSATION MORE EFFECTIVE

 
There is no day that passes that we do not engage in one form of conversation or the other. The manner in which we do this either ignites conversation efficiency and efficacy or it makes it unpleasant, chaotic, boring, and uninteresting.  In other words, our words and/or conducts most often make other people feel pissed off and unimportant; hence, making a conversation almost dead.

 Most frequently, we jettison people’s ideas and, in most cases, do not listen to them at all because of their behaviour, character, or status. So, try not to totally ignore people's ideas and messages basically because their characters seem to contradict them (the messages). It is possible for a bad person to say good words that can effectively cure difficult situations. Practically and according to my opinion, a dummy is truly not one who is not learned about the symbols imprinted on leaves, he is one who sees an obvious truth of relief, but ignorantly and prejudicially ignores it to his detriment.

Also, poking holes in subjective and expressive claims or opinions in an insulting approach does not aid effective conversation. Let the Grice's maxims of conversation be observed stricto sensu. In most argumentative conversations, we almost want to win; and in doing this, we employ ad hominem and straw man. This, of course, does not help the conversation. The essence of every argument is to reach an absolute truth or a more probable truth; it is not a platform to show who is very smart or who is not. Anything outside this is not an argument but a mere quarrel and a shouting match!

In every scenario that is introduced in a conversation, people almost always have something to say. Everyone should be given an opportunity to express his or her distinctive opinions about the present situation. Even when it seems that one is so uneducated and ill-informed to proffer solutions to issues, he still has something to offer which may help the situation.

How do you feel when people treat your comments with contempt? How do you feel when you are unjustly commanded not to speak in a conversation based on your status? How do you feel when people use external situations to judge your words? The way you feel in these occurrences is akin to how someone else feels when you give them the same treatment. He feels even worst when you give him more.

This, however, does not entitle you to listen to corrupt words of destruction, it does not wholly posit that you give ears to side attractors and confusion creators, and it does not also suggest that we be too na├»ve to the communication of ideas. It generally emphasizes on valuing other people’s candidly humble opinions in conversations.  

So, everyone likes a good atmosphere for effective expression of ideas. Therefore, value other people's opinions, always proffer humble and educative corrections, and be qualitative in your conversations. Use what you have acquired to encourage others; do not use it to make them feel inferior and unimportant.

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